By Jo Abi
What is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity is the recognition that our brains function in unique and varied ways. To me neurodiversity is a recognition of this fact, and an appreciation for each and every one of them. Without neurodivergent brains we wouldn’t live in the world we live in today. Neurodivergent people are the great thinkers, the creators, the inventors, the artists and so much more.
My partner Shamus and I are both autistic with ADHD. My children are autistic with ADHD and PDA. I’m pretty sure Shamus and I are PDA too, judging from some of our behaviours, but we are older and wiser and have some pretty solid strategies to overcome this more challenging neurodivergent trait.
My teenagers are another story.
For too long, neurodivergent individuals have been forced to fit into a world designed for neurotypical people. Schools, workplaces, and social structures have often failed to accommodate differences. As Shamus would say, we live life on ‘hard mode’. The older we get, the more it breaks us.
What we want to do is teach my three children aged 21, 17 and 15 all the strategies we have learned the hard way and through our advocacy work, teach the wider neurodivergent community the same and spread the word around the world. And we soak up all the knowledge being shared by neurodivergents around the world. Every time I read a new thought or strategy I feel hopeful for the future. So so hopeful.
The Strengths of Neurodivergent People
I remember having a meeting at one of my children’s schools in which I was left to beg for the most basic of accommodations for them. I’d ask for some support at the start of the year but was told I’d need to present a “proper diagnosis” before they would consider accommodating her.
$4,000 later I presented the diagnosis, only to be met with huge resistance.
Four meetings later they finally agreed. And these accommodations were very basic and didn’t cost a cent or impact others.
I felt so frustrated I stood up at the end after they had agreed and delivered a very cringy speech, but I stand by it. I said: “By the way, neurodivergents invented that computer, that phone, the internet, cars, electricity, space travel…” I then paused for impact and said: “You’re welcome.”
They looked stunned. But I continued by saying I was truly gobsmacked that there wasn’t more motivation to figure out how to nurture neurodivergent brains, which would require a complete rethink of the tendency of schools to take a one size fits all approach to teaching. Our education system is based on obedience and shame for the most part, and it’s just not for everyone.
Not to mention the impact this has on the mental health of our neurodivergent children.
I wouldn’t change a thing about my kids and my family
There isn’t a thing I’d change about my children. When we are at home, life is easy, fun and amazing. It’s whenever we open the front door and leave the house that we find ourselves struggling.
Thank goodness they have a safe, loving and accepting home to return to where they can nest in their beds with their favourite snacks and fully decompress. In fact we all camp out like that throughout the week including me and Shamus.
It’s crucial self-care that allows us to do everything we do each day.
I wish the world was more like this, with lots of different spaces and acceptance of varied behaviours so everyone could conduct themselves in the way that worked best for them.
So on top of completely reforming the education system I also need to change the entire world! See how neurodivergent brains work?!?
But for now, small and steady steps.
I’m a long way away from when my children were first diagnosed and I was determined to ‘fix’ them. I saw the impact that had on them and how much better they became when I change to supporting them instead.
These days we only access services that do just that, and they are thriving. They are truly thriving.
That’s not to say there aren’t serious challenges. There are constant challenges, but we are getting better at dealing with them, as a neurodivergent tribe and I love modelling to my children what their future tribes should look like.
Those tribes include partners, friends, family, work colleagues and medical professionals, only those with whom we are accepted and supported.
It’s the only way to live with our complicated brains.
Stronger Together Foundation: How We Are Celebrating Neurodiversity
I absolutely adore the Stronger Together Foundation and Neurodiversity Week. I just love the work the foundation is doing and how we stumbled across each other and were quickly bonded in our hopes for our children and their futures and the futures of all neurodivergent people.
There is so much work to do.
The foundation’s mission is to promote inclusivity in schools, workplaces, and communities, ensuring that neurodivergent people have the support and opportunities they need to thrive and I am all for that. I don’t have to do it all myself! Yay! Knowing the Stronger Together Foundation is doing this work is the best feeling and I am honoured to be a small part of it.
And I love the Emotional Support Buddy Neordiverg-Ant. To me it is the perfect representation of our rich, colourful, difficult lives during which we collect exactly the right people and strategies to create amazing lives.
Learn more / Book into Neurodiversity Affirming Practices Workshop: https://stf.org.au/news/what-is-neurodiversity-week/
